Men who want to flirt with women have to realize: Women live in a state of continual vigilance about sexual safety. It’s like having a mild case of hay fever that never goes away. It’s not debilitating. You’re not weak. You’re not afraid. You just suck it up and get on with your life. It’s nothing that’s going to stop you from making discoveries, or climbing mountains, or falling in love. Sometimes you can almost forget about it. It doesn’t mean it’s not there, subtly sucking your energy. You learn to avoid situations that make it worse and seek out conditions that make it better.
If a female stranger is wary around you, it is not because she suspects you are a rapist, or that all men are rapists. It’s because a general level of circumspection is what vigilance requires. Don’t take it personally.
If this frustrates you, try to remember that women are blamed for lapsed vigilance. If a woman does get raped, everyone rushes to see where she let her guard down. Was she drinking? Was she alone? Was she wearing a short skirt? Did she go to a strange man’s room for coffee at 4am?
A woman must be seen to be vigilant as well as be vigilant. If she is deemed insufficiently vigilant, she will be at least partly blamed for any sexual violence that befalls her. If she’s regarded as downright reckless, that “evidence” can be used to completely exonerate her rapist. If it comes down to a he said/she said dispute over whether sex was consensual, as so many rape cases do, the dispute becomes a referendum on whether the woman seems like the sort of reckless person who would have sex with a stranger.
If a woman does go back to a strange man’s hotel room at 4am, even if she only wants a coffee and conversation, she’s more or less given him the power to rape her. No jury is going to believe she went up there for anything but sex. So, don’t be surprised if a stranger reacts badly to that suggestion.
“I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible and when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.”—
This is paraphrased -
“Women like me do not fall gracefully,
we stumble over our spines, trip over our vowels, and collapse into your arms.
Our hearts are open books, Russian novels containing fifty pages on the way your voice drifts across the telephone wires each night. Our hearts are first drafts, unedited verses about each and every person we have ever loved: the stranger on the subway, the girl who gave us a balloon, the boy who stole our virginity but not our heart.
Women like me will love you from a distance of a thousand syllables while laying in your bed, we will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible, and when we leave you will finally understand why storms are named after people.”
“If one day you decided to give up on me, I’ll understand. And when I remembered you, I’d be grateful for the fact that in my life, I got a taste of the best things life can offer, and it happened when you came to me.”—Unknown (via crypticalmodel)
“Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.”—Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince (via libranta)
Can’t seem to get warm. My head feels so heavy and my body feels like it might float away. Or like it’s not there at all, even though I can hear all my bones and muscles screaming. Just, from a different room maybe.
“Patience is not sitting and waiting, it is foreseeing. It is looking at the thorn and seeing the rose, looking at the night and seeing the day. Lovers are patient and know that the moon needs time to become full.”—Shams Tabrizi
“One reason that people have artist’s block is that they do not respect the law of dormancy in nature. Trees don’t produce fruit all year long, constantly. They have a point where they go dormant. And when you are in a dormant period creatively, if you can arrange your life to do the technical tasks that don’t take creativity, you are essentially preparing for the spring when it will all blossom again.”—Marshall Vandruff, one of the best teachers I have ever had, on artist’s block. Said during a webinar done on Visualarium to advertise his upcoming online course on animal anatomy (source links to webinar) (via pale-afternoon)